In the wake of all the #MeToo(s) and Mario Batali stepping away amid allegations, I have a few things to say. When you are a female working in a mans world you learn your place or you stop trying. Sometimes that puts you in a place where you think “but am I any better than they are?”, “I’ve crossed some lines too”.
Much of my life was spent living loudly in silence. If you just use the C word too you aren’t a threat they won’t alienate you for fear you might turn someone in. You become desensitized. I don’t hate the C word like many but that doesn’t mean I throw it around, or that I want it thrown around me. I don’t want to hear my sales manager being referred to as Cream-Anne, or asked (due to my sexuality) if I would go down on someone while my executive chef “hit it from behind” ... I don’t want to be asked that EVER but most certainly about a person whose name I just learned as a new employee or someone meeting with sales about a special event. What’s worse is anything you say makes it harder for you to be taken seriously. This particular chef left as a new management company was coming on board because he had many things that would likely come to light. He was fired from the job he had immediately following for groping a co-workers breasts ... or as he called it “accidentally brushing them helping her off a ladder” ... I can assure you it wasn’t an accident ... he likely just got done grooming his mustache with a comb and awaiting an opportunity ... because on a scale of 1 to Creepy ... he’s off the damn charts. After his departure a revolving door of replacements came and went ... 7 in less than 2 years (including him) ... none qualified nor capable nor caring enough to do the job well ... yet I was told I couldn’t even be interviewed for it ... I had a culinary education, was nearly finished with my hotel management degree and had worked in the industry 10 years ... but I wasn’t qualified because I wasn’t part of the “boys club” ... Yano having a vagina and all
I left that location and moved to NY ... the position I held there was less than ideal but I was respected ... they knew I could do greater things than a kitchen in a limited service hotel ... but sometimes you take what you can get when being a woman and single mother will make people see you as less than.
I finally began to believe again ... 15 years into the game I venture pretty far from my comfort zone to work for an iron chef, one of Philly’s beloved ... but only by those who haven’t had to work there. I took a lead prep position for Jose Garces in Atlantic City. I was so proud because ... well iron chef duh ... but alas that too was just a shiny piece of glass trying to mimic a diamond. He had one female who led one of his locations ... it was often said in passing it was more of a “she was there when everyone else left” kind of things ... when I went to work for him in the Philly locations I would hear stupid comments like “she’s late again ... prolly cuz she’s bleeding” or a reference to not saying anything because she’d just claim “female problems” ... a position at one of the places I helped create menu items for came up ... I applied ... I emailed requesting an interview ... no one even replied ... might have been my gender or it might have been that they quickly learned with me I wouldn’t eat the spoonfuls of shit they force fed the rest of them. I was in catering and I would have hell weeks and lean weeks and they would try to “move my hours” to a leaner week instead of paying me OT ... I always had my punch out slips and always went to HR ... but I was a lucky one ... for a child of immigrants this man treats his workers with total lack of concern ... I mean you work half a shift under one name and the other half under another to avoid OT is pretty shitty ... but we are talking about people not legally working so they couldn’t fight it ... but to the public he has a foundation to help the immigrant population ... he offers them English as a second language classes ... if that’s what you want to call teaching Apple= manzana or how to read a recipe. So I can’t give total claim to sexism but I’m sure 100% my lack of acceptance of these things was blamed on my gender ... I was told more than once “shit only stinks if you stir it” ... I’m not great at being told to stay silent when things are wrong I stayed, however, until a found a safe place to fall and then I was happy to run as fast as possible. I knew I’d never be anything more than a woman who bleeds but they were afraid to get rid of me there.
I’ve been very fortunate since then to land positions that have allowed me to spread my wings and be proud of who I am and not put gender on the table.
It’s time to stop accepting it all has to be that way.
It’s ok to call a racist a racist ... it’s ok to call a sexual predator a sexual predator ... it’s ok to say enough is enough
