Embracing change

Today is my 3 year surgeversary. Three years ago my life began changing in ways I could have never expected it would. 11/16/11 I had gastric bypass surgery. I have lost half of me and gained a whole new person. 

To me the now vs. then is very dramatic. I have heard that my confidence was evident in both pictures but I can honestly tell you I did not have confidence back then. Not like I have now, that's for sure. I took my femme side to a photo shoot ... It made me embrace all the changes and not be hidden. The results are so dramatic that I absolutely must share. 

It's not easy being a chef and losing 175lbs. Surgery didn't do this ... I did this. I am constantly around everything "bad" that could have prevented or undone my accomplishments but I am cautious. I stay alert. I pay attention. If my jeans feel tight I listen to my body and I stay the course. Being in my new position and having to create an entire menu has made the struggle more real I have to try, sample, taste ... But outside my professional life I opt for healthy vegetarian and vegan items to undo the negative that goes in while working. If you are a chef with weight problems and think there is no way you could opt for surgery because you love food far to much, let me just tell you that I love food more now. Now that I have to consciously choose because I know that I can only enjoy a small sampling and not gorge myself and not actually taste a bite. 

This was me only about 6 months out swimming in the size clothing I had worn before it all began ... I can't even imagine how this would look now. 

...And then there was just me

So for those keeping score ... I had returned to help cover at my old place of employment to cover for the sous who had taken my place when I was leaving Philly. He had been in a really bad accident and my old chef was scrambling to figure out how to get through 6 or more weeks without him. So I land in my old kitchen and plan to stay at my other job too. That being the job with the line cook who thinks that just because I verbally play along with the guys that he can take it to a physical level ... Um no! So here I am knowing that I have in income for a limited amount of time and then I need to figure it out again. I venture to Craigslist and start applying ... I don't even know all of what I am applying for since some ads are very much lacking information. After a few interviews with some very pompous males and a stage that resulted in the chef taking 2 weeks to make a determination, I am offered a position at a local neighborhood bar that wants to step up its game. I leave that interview know that I will get the call on Monday that the job is mine. I am not disappointed. NOT ONLY AM I TOLD THAT I GET TO CREATE MY OWN MENU (first ever) I AM ALSO OFFERED A REALLY NICE AMOUNT THAT I WASN'T FULLY EXPECTING.

So now here I am at the helm ... building my team of individuals. All former employees decide that they aren't suited for the new plan and leave, thankfully. Today I have finalized the menu with pricing and appearance. I have finished the final recipe that I needed to create for my items. Tomorrow I start training the crew. Friends and Family Night the 27th and go live date November 1st. I am ready for this step ... I am more than ready ... it is my time.

And with that I have chosen a young team ... a well rounded team ... a team that I know I can mentor and they will become greats because I put my passion into them.

Stay tuned.

What's wrong is wrong ...

So on Friday I decided to leave my job without a safety net ... 

I am still covering at my "old" job but since this is temporary until the sous is able to return that leaves my life a little up in the air ...

So why would I just walk away and not know what's going to happen in a few days or a few weeks? Because what's right is right and what's wrong is wrong and I cannot take working there anymore. 

In my last blog I told you of a guy I was at odds with ... I am no prude in the kitchen ... I can dish out the sexual innuendos and roll with the punches with the best of them ... But there is a line and you just don't cross it. The last few times we worked together this person would walk passed me and act as though he might kiss my neck or something equally inappropriate ... Well on Friday I went to get my paycheck and he decides it's appropriate to grab my ponytail and jerk my head back in a sexual manner and start kissing and licking my neck to which I snapped and told him im with no uncertainty to keeps his fucking hands off of me. He just laughed. 

I decided to tell my chef I couldn't return because I couldn't work in that environment and that even if he was dealt with it would still be a matter of Bethany tattled making it uncomfortable for me to be there. 

Quite frankly that is bullshit ... I was told he would be reprimanded .... SERIOUSLY??? Reprimanded?????? How about terminated ... Seems more appropriate. Yet alas he'll still have a job and I will now have to locate a new one in a short window of time. 

I have anger about this ... And hate that being a woman in this (or any industry) means that sometimes you will have to deal with moments like these ... It shouldn't ever happen ... But I am more angry that coming forward means your the "rat" and means you are the outsider when you did nothing wrong. 

That being said ... I have made the right decision and I hope that no one ever deals with that and feels the need to tolerate it out of fear (although I know it does happen) ... I will land on my feet and I know that but it shouldn't have needed to be this way 

Sometimes enough is enough

I am one for fun and games ... I am fine with the sexual innuendos ... But sometimes the ceiling is reached and you just want to scream 

So in my kitchen they all know I'm not THAT girl ... But when you have to deal with the same guy saying the same thing over and over again there comes a time when you just want it to stop ... It's not that I am a girl ... It's not that I am "ragging it" but you don't really want to hear everyday how you'd "never go back" ... Most of my guys I can let them roll right off my back but one I just can't do it anymore ... Today he picks up my chef knife, full well knowing it's mine and that I don't have a cheap set of knives and decides he is going to open a #10 can of ketchup with it ... Like serious WTF????? 

I not the bitch in the kitchen ... And by that I mean I'm not the one who's always complaining and I'm also not the one constantly crying about things, but there does come the day when you really just don't want to deal with it. The question therein is ... How when everyday it is what it is do you get to "make it stop" ??

you can't go to someone and say listen today isn't that day so can we chill cuz as is with any "boys club" you're going to get more razzing for that ... You can't go to management because it's going to be any issue of yoh always play into it and now it's an issue ... 

So the best you can do it suck it up and move on with life ... Because if I know one thing it's that my guys will ALWAYS be the bigger bitches than me. 

Trust

It's a sad course of events when you realize you can't always trust those whose back you always had. 

This industry can be supportive or it can be cutthroat and you never know which way it might turn.

I used to think I didn't want to give away all the things I knew and would stop just short of giving away my 100% ... And then my mentor made a statement that a true chef should promote the profession and not just themselves. 

So the question then is why do many try to bury the next guy? 

I can only assume it's because you have your own esteem issues. You feel you aren't good enough or that you could be better and don't want to see someone step ahead of you. "Nothing had ever not been done before" is a pretty realistic statement in our realm ... But does that mean you shouldn't strive to push further ... That you should just take what someone else has done and make it yours without modification? Does it mean that when you feel you "own" something you shouldn't want to see the next person succeed and allow them an opportunity to excel? 

I don't want to live in a trust no one world. There is enough of that to go around already. 

This work is my passion. I want to treat my passion with dignity. I want to offer my hand to those who want to take it to the next level ... If I can make our world better by passing on a gift that was given to me, why wouldn't I want to? 

Why I do what I do

I am woman in a world of men.

The egos around me are insane. The bipolar tendancies make PMS look like a carnival ride. No really ... It's true ... I love my guys but dude they cycle with the moon far worse than any chick I know. 

So why do I try to make it when it all seems stacked against me? 

Because I can!!!!

Put me on a line and we will have to discuss why you're in my way and need to back the fuck up ... Give me some prep time and I will dice the hell out of some shit and turn nothing into something spectacular. 

And yet, women are overlooked by the industry "bigs" ... Those guys that everyone knows and thinks make this world spin. I don't personally know many but I do know that I have to scratch my way to the surface to find air when many men are just given roles that they aren't even slightly qualified for.  

What I do know is that for years I have had one idol ... She isn't "famous" but she is to me (and to many in my industry too) 

http://noras.com/nora/ 

Nora Pouillion has been my idol for 20+ years ... She was fighting this fight long before the world even cared about chefs. And she was doing it organically before organic became a catch phrase ... So why is she virtually an unknown still? 

Because the struggle is real ... (Sorry to be so cliche) 

And no one voices that better than my local industry crush ... This lady ... 

https://m.facebook.com/crystalfoxrox 

http://www.giorgioonpine.com/

Crystal is beyond awesome ... She is loud ... She is crude ... She will make you laugh until you pee with her statuses ... She can make your toes curl ... Well at least her sweet potato gnocchi will, in that whole food is sex thing I feel ... But she is fighting our fight ... And she is doing it with pride 

What's the industry really like for women? 

The world after foodnetwork has made it seem posh to be a chef. It isn't. Quite frankly, it sucks. When people ask me about this person or this show I don't even know what they are talking about most of the time. Why? Because I work 60+ hours a week ... Because when I am not working I am not sitting in my house staring at a screen ... Men don't want to promote women because we might have other priorities ... When I am in an interview it's always a concern I have kids ... Until I say one's an adult and the other goes to boarding school. Then I am questioned on if I can handle the hours ... Ok excuse me while I get a little nasty here but seriously dude ... I have worked a 60 hour a week job while toting a child to sports practices ... Making meals every night ... Helping with homework ... I have pushed two kids out of my vagina without medication ... So the question really is ... can you? Then there is that guy at ever place that thinks I can't lift anything ... Oh honey,  I raised cows and pigs growing up ... I have carried a 25# baby in a car seat, toting a diaper bag, college books, and groceries simultaneously ... I don't need your help with this 20# case of chicken ... No seriously if you haven't been there you don't get it ... I can ... And will lift that full stock pot that you think I am too dainty to lift ... And just to prove I can I will also pick you up and throw you over my shoulder (yes this just happened ... My kitchen no longer questions my strength) You will be sexually harassed ... If you show the slightest tinge of fear over it you will be ostracized ... Don't worry my boys you can't shake me ... I will make you blush long before you will make me buckle. My first kitchen I ever worked in had a sign that read "sexual harassment will not be reported, it will however be graded" ... Sounds about right ... And I will suck up everything else around me to make sure I am stronger than any guy I working with ... I went back to work 2 weeks after a surgery I was supposed I take 6 weeks off for ... It sucked ... The pain was intense and I was working with food I couldn't even eat ... It was physically and mentally a challenge ... But I damn well did it 

So why do I do what I do?

 Because I wouldn't be happy doing anything else ... My father once said to me "Bethany, no one likes what they do they do it because they have to" ... Well sorry to disappoint daddy dear but I do "like" what I do ... I adore every aspect of it ... Yes even the ones that make it suck ... I adore it because it is who I am ... I don't wake up in the morning not wanting to get out of bed and go to work ... An Oprah show once told me that to be happy find someone to pay you to do what you loved to do as a child and you will be ... So here I am ... And that is really why I do what I do ... Because I have loved it since the first time I helped this women make dinner ... And I will love it until the day I can make dinner with her again 

Food is sex

Point blank ... It's that simple 

We thrive on the passion that we put in ...  Our ego needs to be stroked ... We need have our flames fanned ... We don't cook because you're hungry and too lazy to do it yourself ... We do it because it turns is on!!! 

The sexuality of a kitchen ... Yes it has one ... It's most certainly pansexual (and I definitely don't mean to use that as a pun, but it's noted as kinda hilarious too).  

We taste, we explore, we strive to find that "spot", that moment of food ecstasy, that moment when what we have done makes your eyes roll into the back of your head and you can't help but let that moan escape you. 

We dig in deep, we get our hands dirty, we enjoy the smells, we are filled with passion and we won't give in until you have had all you can possibly take. 

That feeds our egos ... It makes us hot ... Not kitchen hot ... That deep inside your body raging fire ... We need it ... We want it ... And we are insatiable ... The more the better ... Basically we are nymphos 

(And now you have the first real blog ... Purposely chosen to be the first strike and let you know this will most certainly not be for the faint of heart ... I hope you are ready!!!!)

Keeping it real

How does one explain the beginning of a blog? It's a whim ... A moment ... A strange conversation that strikes a desire ... It's like that moment of passion when you need to make it happen and make it happen now ... And so it begins ...

Welcome to the mind of a femme in the kitchen ... Not just another female ... Not just another lesbian ... A me ... An anomaly of sorts ... A fat girl turned thin ... A closeted lady who hides nothing anymore ... A person wished to stay hidden because she didn't like how the world saw her ... A femme who embraced the feeling of being sexy 40 years into life ... A chef who didn't believe in herself enough ... This blog will seem bipolar ... It will seem schizophrenic ... But it will be real ... My passion runs deep ... My insanity deeper  ... Welcome to my love ... Being the femme in a world dominated by men ... How I survive ... How I strike first ... How I protect myself and how I make myself fit in ... I haven't a clue what I might say in the future but I can promise ... It will be me!!!